Hey thanks a million my friends for all the support on my journey! Fighting my daily need to stay under the bed hidden from that drainer of energy called live long and prosper has never been so easy. Well well, I must admit, I love it. To constantly search for the positive data for internal valuable research based on the idea of the sense beyond the nonsense of human being and its need to give itselves a sense and answer the reasons why this and that.
And here it is. I'm trying to find out why I was someway attracted to this land - I mean the one that starts with Ire. Land of weird people with weird customs like non customised pairs of socks. And now I found a theory that might explain this miserably non mystical mystery. There was a small but present fairy in my bedroom far far away back in the past and possibly also in the future times. She left a message for me almost every night. And usually I found it in my wardrobe like a precious gift, unable to understand the meaning of such a clever omen. Btw I'm serious you laughing idiots.
It is very common for fairies to spend their lives sitting on the edge of the cup, licking a piece of sugar and staring through the hole in the spoon. They can see the world from more proper, green perspective. Everything is about green here. But my life, the favourite one, you know, is about something completely different. It is... and now don't get scared, boo boo, black pearl yoho... about my curse.
Since this article is number two, I'm thinking also about my curse number two. The first one is so fuckin' obvious in every of my steps that it makes me just smile and suffer and wait for the dirt in which I'm gonna rip. No big deal. If I'd really mind, I would be probably stuck in a hospital flying under the sealing singing Sleep, pale sister.
No, there is another. And I fought it! I killed it several years ago. I kicked her between her eyes after years of training. Pointed the sharp sword of my mind into her beating heart. I worked really hard! I was tough... I was born tough, but this time I was even more tough! I became painfully organised. I started to schedule my ever after routine in the second second after I woke up. The first one still belongs to my fantasy... and sex. Mostly the fantasy about sex. What can I do to make you happy...
Anyway, this is not about happiness, this is about quite an issue, about a curse, remember! So the thing I often say, the metaphor about a shadow work with onion peelings, doesn't work as perfectly as it should. Not sure if you realise it, but this is just a way how this world is and is going to be. To exist not exactly in a perfect way, but let's say nearly in it. Some curses can't be erased though. I'm sorry.
So I was in the garden today, hanging clothes on the line. And suddenly I found in my head forgotten moments that happen every morning before I started to constantly parley about punishing myself for even smallest emotional mistake that I made. Moments, deeply carved under my ribs, when I was sitting in front of my shelf, trying to breath out the panic attack and find two same socks. Because of czech habits ordered me to do so.
I felt a wind on my face when the inspiration for this article came to me on her trotting dryad.
Holding two different wet socks in my hand. Door freely opened.
Gods. Perhaps. What if. Maybe I belong here.
Funny, isn't it.